H4s meet in San Francisco

Ever since I moved to the US I wondered where all the H4s were and how many we are. I googled it, but couldn’t find much information. I found some blogs, a book written by an H4 with tips for dealing with this situation, even a video on Youtube of a TV show talking about what’s it like to be an H4 (based on a documentary an H4 had done). There didn’t seem to be support groups or meetings though. I ended up meeting a few H4 wives through my husband’s colleagues, but not that many and we don’t all meet all the time.
Today though and thanks to Meetup (and the initiative of the organiser) 6 of us met in San Francisco and had a blast! Nothing crazy. We sat down for coffee and a chat, but it was great to be able to do just that with people who know exactly what it’s like to be the holder of an enslaving, ridiculous visa. I have met 4 amazing women, who just like all other H4s I have met before, are brilliant, well-educated professionals, who gave it all up so that the person they love could follow their dream. From our conversations I felt that, in a way, none of us are really prepared for the reality of being an H4, and it only really hits you in the face like a speed train once you get here and your husband goes to work, and you are all alone, with no family, no friend, nowhere to go and nothing to do. The first months are the worst. Normally you would pick yourself up and start getting a life, a purpose to get up in the morning, something to talk about when people ask you “how was your day?”. I also got the feeling that I wasn’t the only one being treated as a non-person just because I don’t have a job. For example, people wondering why you do certain things just because you don’t have a job. Why wouldn’t we though? It’s not like we’re dead. We had jobs before, we have degrees, and we will work in the future, hopefully. We still have dreams and ambitions and if we don’t work it’s because someone doesn’t let us, not because we don’t want to.

We all wonder how long this is going to take and deep down we hope it doesn’t take too long. We all fear the fact that we are suddenly not independent anymore, and we all feel irritated with the fact that this H4Visa demeans us and degrades us by not allowing us to work and have a Social Security # (without which you can’t do anything in this country). One thing none of us understands is why we can’t even work as a freelancer for companies in other countries? If anyone out there has an answer, please let me know, I would love to hear it.
Another thing we fail to understand is why waste so much talent and brains when we are already here. Might as well contribute positively for the economy.
Well at least now we have each other’s back. These Meetups are going to keep happening and all H4s are welcome to join!

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